Thursday, May 05, 2005

What Made This Country Great 

This is a great country. You want to know what made this country great?


Not just capitalism, mind you, because there are all sorts of countries out there with capitalism who many observers would say are Not Nearly As Great As Our Country.

No, here's what made capitalism -- and, by extension, our country -- great:

Three-martini lunches.

Now, I know what you're saying. You're saying, "But there are other countries for whom ritualistic long lunches with an alcohol component are an integral part of the culture." And you're right, there are, so here's what really made capitalism great:

Tax-deductible three-martini lunches.

And for those of you nitpickers who want to point out other countries with tax systems:

Tax-deductible three-martini lunches at an afternoon major league baseball game.

What's that? Still not satisfied? OK, this is all I've got for you:

Tax-deductible three-martini lunches at an afternoon major league baseball game at which the pitcher for the home squad strikes out the opposing batter on a 3-2 count with the bases loaded and 2 outs.

Of course, since most of us can't attend 3 PM weekday baseball games and are forced to listen to the game on the radio (the Javier Lopez strikeout of J.T. Snow was as electric a moment I've heard on the radio for the D-Backs since the Randy Johnson perfect game) or "watch" it on Gameday (I thought there might be some computer error when the D-Backs strung together five straight singles plus a double with two outs in the fourth inning), we're a little less enamored of how capitalism and the tax structure operates.

But having the D-Backs beat the Giants 6-2 to take the series on a day when Brandon Webb didn't have his best stuff (114 pitches in 6.0 IP) is enough for me.

I raise my bottle and offer a toast to what made the country great.
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