Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Puppet Shows, Thom Brennaman, and the Knights Who Say "Ni!" 

[Scene: Arizona Diamondbacks clubhouse, prior to Tuesday night's game against the Washington Nationals]

Bob Melvin: OK, guys, before we go out there tonight, I just wanted to remind you guys that the Nationals are going for their eleventh straight victory against us. That streak just embarrasses me, and should embarrass you. Besides not wanting to lose ground to the Dodgers, I also suspect that there are bloggers out there who'd make some sort of "This one goes to eleven" joke if we lose.

Chad Tracy: Yeah, skip, how many times have I told them at the Arizona Republic, "Arizona Diamondbacks, then puppet show?"

Chris Snyder: It's like when people ask us about our offense with the bases loaded, and it's like, how much more black could this be? and the answer is none. None more black.

Jose Cruz Jr.: I'm sure I'd feel much worse if I weren't under such heavy sedation.

Shawn Green: Hello, Cleveland!

Melvin: [Smiles weakly.] Yes, This Is Spinal Tap references. Very funny. Ha ha. But no more, guys, this isn't fun--

[Luis Gonzalez storms into the locker room.]

Gonzalez: Two words: S--- sandwich.

Melvin: I just said, Gonzo, no more Spinal Tap references.

Gonzalez: Huh? What're you talking about? I just finished talking with Thom Brennaman and that was my review of his commentary.

Melvin: OK, now that you've got that off of you're chest, can we please move on? As you know, we need to do a better job of driving in runners in scoring position (sorry, Gonzo), so I'd like people to commit to how many runs they'll drive in. Let's start with you, Troy:

Troy Glaus: We shalt count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number we shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt we not count, neither count we two, excepting that we then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then shalt we be finished. Right. One... two... five.

Craig Counsell: Three, sir.

Glaus: Three.

Melvin: Aw, c'mon guys, that's not even the right cult comedic classic.

Glaus: Shucks, skip, I'm just excited about the 14 Tony nominations Spamalot received.

Melvin: Sigh. Just go out there and win tonight, guys.


It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever...

3 runs, 3 hits, 3 walks, and 3 strikeouts for the Diamondbacks offense last night. Luckily, even though the though the Nationals had 10 hits to go along with their 3 walks, they also had 13 strikeouts, which helps explain why they only scored 2 runs, and the D-Backs escaped with a 3-2 victory.

Troy Glaus hit a 3-run homerun with 2 outs and runners in scoring position to generate all the offense the team needed. No word on whether Brennaman's reaction was Gonzo-approved.

As for Gonzo, I'm not sure what exactly set him off. Now, understand that even though my tolerance for "homer" announcing is fairly high, sometimes even Brennaman annoys me, so the idea that Brennaman somehow spends too much time criticizing the team amuses me. Especially when it's absolutely true that the team has not done a good job hitting with runners in scoring position. (Unless Thom was criticizing Gonzo -- Gonzo's actually hitting better with scoring position than not.) Whether that's the result of small sample size or something else, it's hard to say, but it's true thus far. And I'm sure this is more teapot than tempest (the media are always interested in stories about people criticizing the media).

I'm sure a 5-game winning streak will make this go away, so let's try that, shall we?

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