Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Long Time, No See 

[Scene: A major league ballpark in the Southwest United States]

.500: Hey there, A-Z, what's up?

Arizona Diamondbacks: Oh, .500. Wow. Haven't seen you for awhile. I'm, uh, OK. How, uh, are you doin'?

.500: Oh, you know, same ol' same ol'. Some good, some bad.

AZ: Wow. I haven't seen you, for, what, a year now?

.500: Yeahhhh….

AZ: So what happened? You left without even saying anything.

.500: Well, you know, there were other, more interesting teams.

AZ: Who's more interesting than me?

.500: Uh, Milwaukee. And Tampa Bay. I can't believe I was stupid enough to hang out with those dweebs. They were kinda cool at the beginning, but they ended up being the same losers they've always been.

AZ: Yeah. The Devil Rays, boy... so, I heard you ended up with Cleveland?

.500: Yeah, but, uh, I don't know where I stand with them. Some people think they're too good for me, but I'm not so sure it's the other way 'round. [Flips hair, plays with it.] So tell me, A-Z, you look better this year -- workin' out some?

AZ: Uh, gosh... yeah. I decided I just needed to do some maturin'. Maybe go on the offensive. And my doctor says I've got a lot of my medical problems behind me, though he says I could relapse. Anyway, I feel great.... So, uh, what are ya doin' after the game?

.500: Oh, you know, it's the first week, I want to meet everybody again -- everybody looks so different. I'm thinkin' I might take a look at some upperclassmen -- I heard the Giants got dumped big time. But let's get together a couple weeks from now, see how you're doin'.

AZ: Uh, OK... By the way, can I get the phone number for your older sister .600?

.500: Dream on, big boy.


So the D-Backs reach .500 for the first time since the fourth game of 2004. It feels nice with .500, you know? 2 dingers from Gonzo, a solid 6-inning outing from Russ Ortiz, and passable bullpen work. There are still some question marks -- Shawn Green looked out of place trying to track down a ground-rule double by Michael Barrett and Clayton has done nothing to merit his #2 spot in the batting order thus far -- but this team thus far just feels more stable.

Favorite non-on-field moment -- the guy who caught a foul flair down the first base line -- bare-handed. Maybe we could put him in right field as a defensive replacement.

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