Thursday, February 24, 2005

Canseco Allegedly Gave Arizona, Nevada Steroids 

"It seemed the right time to juice this thing up again." -- Arizona Governor
Janet Napolitano, on the
creation of the Arizona Baseball and Softball Commission, which will take a look at the never-say-die issue of Cactus League expansion.
In an interview Wednesday on C-SPAN 2 promoting his new book "Juiced," Jose Canseco alleged that he gave the states Arizona and Nevada steroids throughout the 1990s into the 2000s.

"Look at Arizona," Canseco said, "they grew from 3.67 million people in 1990 to 5.13 million in 2000. That's a 40 percent increase. Nevada went from 1.2 million to 2.0 million, more than 66 percent. Do you think either state could've had that sort of growth without some sort extra help?"

When asked how exactly Canseco gave steroids to the entire populations of two states, Canseco responded, "Well, as nice and as numerous as they were, clearly the A's locker room bathrooms were out. So for Arizona we put 'em all into the Grand Canyon and Nevada, Area 51. We thought about the cream and the clear, then flaxseed oil, but finally settled on injecting them one-by-one in their rears. Took some time, of course, but just look at the results."

Canseco went on to say that he'd given steroids to the San Diego bio-med industry, Google stock, and the film career of Ben Affleck ("clearly Ben's stopped using the stuff").

In related news, Arizona and Nevada reported to training camp Tuesday lighter by about 600,000 residents.

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