Friday, July 16, 2004

Exit... Stage Left 

"'There's nothing that enters my world on the days I pitch,' [Randy Johnson] said afterward.
'Nothing. Nobody.'
Johnson didn't sound like a guy dying to get out of Dodge. He joked about the warm indoor temperature, was generous with his praise of teammates and hosted several friends in the clubhouse afterward, including Rush singer Geddy Lee."
-- After last night's 4-3 D-Backs loss to the Dodgers, from Paola Boivin's column in the 07/16/04 Arizona Republic

[Scene: A living room in an expansive Phoenix home. A tall, tall man -- OK, it's Randy Johnson -- is sitting on his couch, flipping through channels on TV, when the phone rings.]

RJ: Hello, this is Randy.
Theo: Randy? Theo Epstein here. How are ya?
RJ: Fine, thanks.
Theo: Listen, Randy, sorry about the game last night. 4-3 loss to the Dodgers. Relief staff blew the game for you. AGAIN. Grand slam, Shawn Green. Who'd've thought Choate would've picked that moment to give up his first home run in more than two years? Sorry. Aaaaanyway, as you know, we're trying to get you up here to Boston, which, of course, you'd have to waive your no-trade clause for. We'd love to have you join the Sox, because, you know, you ain't seen nothin' yet!
RJ: Huh?
Theo: Hey, we're all about takin' care of business, wink wink nudge nudge.
RJ: I have no clue what you're saying.
Theo: C'mon! "You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet?" "Takin' Care of Business?" Those are classic Rush songs!
RJ: Uh, no, they're not. That's Bachman-Turner Overdrive. They're Canadian, but that's about the only thing those bands have in common.
Theo: Really, I asked Curt to do some internet research on Rush, 'cuz he likes that sort of things, and this is what he gave me.
RJ: Listen, I got a call on the other line. I'll call you later...
Theo: But, wait -- [click]
RJ: Hello, is Randy.
Terry: Randy? This is Terry Ryan. I hope I'm not calling too late?
RJ: No, that's fine. You know, Terry, I'm surprised to be hearing from you... You do know I'm getting paid $16 million this year and $16.5 million next year, right? That seems a little out of your league, if you don't mind me saying.
Terry: No, I don't mind. And, yes, it'd be tough, but we're willing to make some sacrfices. I know some friends have already put out some feelers. Look, we're a great state, high quality schools, parks, outdoor activities. Plus, and I think you'll really enjoy this, we can get you Rush in Rio.
RJ: Wow... are you saying you'll fly me down to Rio next time Rush plays there? That's pretty nice.
Terry: Er, no. I was talking about the Rush in Rio CD set. Picked it up for $19.99 at Best Buy.
RJ: Listen, I really don't think this is a good fit here...
Terry: Hey, we can get you a second copy for the car -- [click]

[Randy's wife walks in with a Federal Express package.]

RJ's wife: This just came for you.

[Randy opens the package. It's a cell phone. It rings.]

RJ: Uh.... hello?
Brian: Randy, Brian Cashman here. I'm glad you got the phone. Go ahead and keep it. It's got 3 billion pre-paid minutes on it. Compliments of the Yankee organization.
RJ: Er, thanks. I think I can guess why you're calling.
Brian: Well, if you think that we're going to try to convince you to join the Yankees, you're right. Look, Randy, we've got more money than anybody, it's the biggest stage in the world, and if you think we're going to let some pipsqueak National League expansion team -- no offense, Randy -- beat us in the World Series this year, you're wrong. But beyond that, the big man wanted to let you know just how big of a Rush fan he is.
RJ: George, a Rush fan? Isn't he like more than 70 years old?
Brian: Oh, Randy, you're proving that people shouldn't judge people by their age. He's been a big fan of Rush going way back.
RJ: You're kidding.
Brian: Nope -- "2112," "Moving Pictures," and "Signals" are all great albums. The big man kinda lost touch when they sold out -- "Time Stand Still" was such a blatant attempt at the pop charts -- but ever since "Test For Echo," he's been a big fan. In fact, he can arrange a meeting with you and them.
RJ: But they were here tonight, I don't need George's help.
Brian: Because the big man arranged it.
RJ: But that's because they're playing here in town tonight.
Brian: Because the big man arranged it.
RJ: Listen, Brian, I really appreciate the interest, but I'm going to have to think about it.
Brian: You do that. We look forward to hearing from you. [Click]

[End scene]

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