Thursday, June 24, 2004
Adaptation
[Scene: An anonymous blogger -- OK, me -- sits at an anonymous computer, staring blankly at the screen.]
Me: That's it. I'm not writing about last night's game.
Voice In My Head: Tough. You have to write.
Me: Who are you?
VIMH: The Voice In Your Head, dumbskull. Read the script.
Me: Oh. What do you mean, "You have to write."
VIMH: Do I have to parse the sentence for you?
Me: No. But it's been such a depressing run lately, I don't feel like writing.
VIMH: Tough. You knew what you were getting into when you started this thing. You did read your Blogger terms of service, right? The BaseballBlogs.org requirements? Starting a baseball blog requires writing day in-day out. No whiners.
Me: But I didn't even see the game last night!
VIMH: Like that's stopped you before. What'd you do instead?
Me: Saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Great movie. Charlie Kaufman is one messed-up dude. This movie, Being John Malkovich, Adaptation. Hey, I could write a review about the movie instead...
VIMH: No, you do that Tuesdays. Focus, dude.
Me: It's just that, well, the D-Backs have lost 6 in a row, and now they can't even win when Randy Johnson is pitching. I mean, how the hell do you get 13 hits in Petco Park with Randy Johnson pitching and lose the freakin' game? They even scored 1 run in the 8th and 9th innings to tie up the game. They've rarely done that this year. And then to lose on a walk-off homerun to Terrence Long. Sigh. I can't continue.
VIMH: C'mon. A little bit more. I know you can do it.
Me: I could mine D-Back stats for some meaningless, depressing statistic.
VIMH: No, you've gone to that well a bit too often lately.
Me: How about Baseball Prospectus stats?
VIMH: Uh... OK.
Me: Look -- the D-Backs are 6-14 in one-run games, trailing only Montreal and, oh, this is a sliver of good news, our next opponent, Detroit.
VIMH: See, now, you're almost finished.
Me: How about a random link?
VIMH: No! Not necessary. Let's wrap this up.
Me: Thanks for your help. I couldn't have done this without you.
VIMH: No problem, anytime. By the way, what did you think of Charlie Kaufman's other recent scripts?
Me: Thought Being John Malkovich was really good, never saw Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. I wonder how well they played in Midwestburg? Hopefully decently.
VIMH: And what'd you think of Adaptation?
Me: Too much thinking, not enough enjoying. Way too meta for my tastes.
Me: That's it. I'm not writing about last night's game.
Voice In My Head: Tough. You have to write.
Me: Who are you?
VIMH: The Voice In Your Head, dumbskull. Read the script.
Me: Oh. What do you mean, "You have to write."
VIMH: Do I have to parse the sentence for you?
Me: No. But it's been such a depressing run lately, I don't feel like writing.
VIMH: Tough. You knew what you were getting into when you started this thing. You did read your Blogger terms of service, right? The BaseballBlogs.org requirements? Starting a baseball blog requires writing day in-day out. No whiners.
Me: But I didn't even see the game last night!
VIMH: Like that's stopped you before. What'd you do instead?
Me: Saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Great movie. Charlie Kaufman is one messed-up dude. This movie, Being John Malkovich, Adaptation. Hey, I could write a review about the movie instead...
VIMH: No, you do that Tuesdays. Focus, dude.
Me: It's just that, well, the D-Backs have lost 6 in a row, and now they can't even win when Randy Johnson is pitching. I mean, how the hell do you get 13 hits in Petco Park with Randy Johnson pitching and lose the freakin' game? They even scored 1 run in the 8th and 9th innings to tie up the game. They've rarely done that this year. And then to lose on a walk-off homerun to Terrence Long. Sigh. I can't continue.
VIMH: C'mon. A little bit more. I know you can do it.
Me: I could mine D-Back stats for some meaningless, depressing statistic.
VIMH: No, you've gone to that well a bit too often lately.
Me: How about Baseball Prospectus stats?
VIMH: Uh... OK.
Me: Look -- the D-Backs are 6-14 in one-run games, trailing only Montreal and, oh, this is a sliver of good news, our next opponent, Detroit.
VIMH: See, now, you're almost finished.
Me: How about a random link?
VIMH: No! Not necessary. Let's wrap this up.
Me: Thanks for your help. I couldn't have done this without you.
VIMH: No problem, anytime. By the way, what did you think of Charlie Kaufman's other recent scripts?
Me: Thought Being John Malkovich was really good, never saw Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. I wonder how well they played in Midwestburg? Hopefully decently.
VIMH: And what'd you think of Adaptation?
Me: Too much thinking, not enough enjoying. Way too meta for my tastes.
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